Sunday, 4 August 2013

How To Trick Your Mum On Texting


















U forgot to wash your plate its there for u. Optus wishes to advise that the message sent on 17/12/12, 21:03 was not delivered. Please try again at a more suitable time or contact customer service for further assistance.
It is important to KNOW beforehand that you will be absent on a certain day. Only a master, such as myself would be able to wake up on Tuesday and decide "I'm not going to school today." You're obviously a beginner, so take it slow. If you want to be absent on Tuesday then you need to warn yourself on Monday. Monday, when you have the thought in your head that you will be absent you need to put your plan into action. You need to create an excuse for being absent. I suggest that you stay in your room the whole night. If you hang out in the living room you will OBVIOUSLY make a mistake, or ruin your plan. If you are in your parents presence they will get tired of just looking at you. Stay in your room all night being really quiet. You only come out of your room twice. The first time you come out of your room do not say anything about feeling ill. Wait at least an hour. Come back out and MENTION that you are feeling bad. Don't say "mom, I'm not feeling well." Don't be too obvious. Say something like "aww my head" in the middle of a sentence. Or choose not to eat dinner because your stomach hurts. Afterwards, mention that you are going to bed early. Then actually go to bed. If your room is close to your parents make sure you wake up in the middle of the night to cough pretty loud. If you're room isn't close then I suggest going to the bathroom closest to you're parents' room. Leave the door open and act like you're trying to make yourself puke. Bathrooms echo, so you're parents are almost guaranteed to work. If you're parents have a restroom in their room use that one, and when you are going back to your room, whether they look awake or not, say "I'm sorry, someone was in the other bathroom." Then slowly go back to your room.

Santa Claus love girls...! xD



Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle (US) and simply "Santa", is a figure with legendary, mythical, historical and folkloric origins who, in many western cultures, is said to bring gifts to the homes of the good children on the night before Christmas, December 24. However in some European countries children receive their presents on St. Nicholas' Day, December 6.[1] The modern figure of Santa Claus was derived from the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas, which, in turn, was part of its basis in hagiographical tales concerning the historical figure of Christian bishop and gift giver Saint Nicholas. During the Christianization of Germanic Europe, this figure may have absorbed elements of the god Odin, who was associated with the pre-Christian midwinter event of Yule and led the Wild Hunt, a ghostly procession through the sky. Santa Claus is generally depicted as a portly, joyous, white-bearded man—sometimes with spectacles—wearing a red coat with white collar and cuffs, white-cuffed red trousers, and black leather belt and boots and carries a bag full of gifts for children. Images of him rarely have a beard with no moustache. This image became popular in the United States and Canada in the 19th century due to the significant influence of Clement Clarke Moore's 1823 poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas" and of caricaturist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast.[2][3][4] This image has been maintained and reinforced through song, radio, television, children's books and films.

$exual Joke 1



Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going! Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex? A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=:) Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off? A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time!